rivers of ice

in movies
	slow motion
		brings the viewer’s attention
			to critical information

in reality
	slow motion
		allows critical information
			to fade into the ether

in movies 
	your justice complex
		is admirable
		leads to the solution to a problem

in reality
	your justice complex
		is a burden
		causes your ostracization

in movies
	slow motion
		builds tension
			the viewer can’t look away

in reality
	slow motion
		lacks urgency
			the viewer looks at their phone

in movies
	your anxiety
		fuels a pursuit for knowledge
		brings community to the cause

in reality
	your anxiety
		stops you at the threshold
		builds walls around you

in movies
	a happy ending
		applause roars as you’re recognized for your efforts

in reality
	there is none
		calved chunks of ice crowd the bow of your boat

morning routine

you lock the door at least you’re pretty sure you check and the door is indeed locked you pat your pockets to count your keys your phone your wallet but did you lock the door you go back and check and it’s locked you walk to the car and tap your pockets again you can’t remember locking the door you think about object permance as you reassure yourself the door is locked by turning the knob and pushing it three times you make it to the car and use your key to start it lay your phone and wallet in the empty space by the gearshift you tap all three as you pull out of your driveway then again as you turn out of the apartment complex to drive to work you’re pretty sure you locked the door

a calm shadow

theater marquee

an early ben gibbard haircut
black thick-rimmed glasses
a scar with a delicate history
under layers of concealer and foundation

shirt with an obscure band’s logo
an unbuttoned flannel
red and white
a heart with a brisk pace
cuffs just below their elbows
gnarled dandelion stem between their fingers

denim jeans
blue as summer sky
manufactured rips
on their knees
authentic wear
behind their ankles

adidas
the nice ones
green and gold
a bouncy toe within 

a calm shadow

Someone With My Face

Each section is based on the Oxford English Dictionary’s word of the day from July, 2023.

I. hornman, n.

I don’t really know 
what I’m doing anymore.

I feel like a spit valve
at the end of a show.

Every day is the same
four songs on repeat.

II. mug, adj.

Track 1:
the first things I see

are angry numbers
telling me to wake up,

roll out of bed,
make myself look human.

III. bummill baty, n.

Track 2:
I sit in a Starbucks drive-thru,

then I sit in backroad traffic
behind school buses,

before I sit in a cubicle
and enter data into a spreadsheet.

IV. mirligoes, n.

Track 3:
7359672056 tab 4214 tab 60.89 enter.

Thin, black numbers
in small, white boxes.

Veins between the pixels
come into view.

V. mingei, n.

Track 4:
Rectangles, rounded edges.

Talking heads in news rooms,
vlogs in cluttered bedrooms.

They all keep talking
into their own headphones.

VI. mizzler, n.

When does the
narrative begin?

Where is the
inciting incident?

Why must every day
bleed into the next?

VII. machinga, n.

When I was younger, people said
there were many paths.

They pitched careers like rolexes
on streets around tourist traps.

But “following my dreams”
stranded me in data entry.

VIII. raccoon, v.

Is it possible
to start over?

Take a different turn 
down a side street

on an evening walk,
not go back?

IX. anticipant, adj. and n.

Pack a duffel bag
just in case.

The mountain looms over
the end of the highway.

The exit sign shines
in the evening light.

X. rampike, adj.

A vision:
the highway twists,

decays like felled leaves
in the late-autumnal sun.

I take the exit
back home.

XI. asante sana, int. and n.

You should be thankful, Kenneth.
Many would kill

for what you have.
How dare you

take that for granted,
try to leave it all behind?

XII. whenua, n.

These trees, these hills
are home to me.

I know their stories;
they know mine.

Why would I leave
the only family I know?

XIII. shockeroo, n.

Stuck in limbo:
desire for change, comfort of not.

I am a boulder, but am I at
the bottom of a hill or the edge of a cliff?

I awake each morning
exasperated.

XIV. fetissan, adj.

Dig out my trumpet
from the back of the closet.

Lie on the bedroom floor,
on my back, eyes closed.

Let each note bounce off the ceiling
to give me an answer.

XV. minnowed, adj.

Eyes open.
Small black dots

scatter across the ceiling
like fish in a crowded pond.

The ghosts of fallen tears
connect my eyes to my ears.

XVI. deepfake, n.

At work, the next day,
I leave my body, watch

someone with my face
type on a keyboard endlessly.

Their face wrinkles, their hair greys,
They keep typing.

XVII. ecofact, n.

Above their desk
on the grey cubicle wall,

a flyer from a concert
ages ago

at Jazz Alley,
my name in large letters.

XVIII. articucho, n.

A pain in my chest
like an ice pick through my ribs.

There’s no air in this office.
Everything is so loud.

Even the lights 
are failing.

XIX. forslow, v.

Friday.
I’ll leave Friday.

I’ll pack the car,
leave the office

and never come back.
Definitely.

XX. hippodrome, v.

Friday evening.
Sparse highway.

The exit sign wears
a mask of wet leaves.

But my gas tank is low;
I can’t chance that.

XXI. raniform, adj.

Why is it
I jump

whenever I get close
to doing something

I want to do?
Why am I so scared?

XXII. snorker, n.

When I was younger,
I had a dream.

When I was younger,
I played carefree.

When I was younger,
I ran after what I wanted.

XXIII. nuchthemerinal, adj.

I sit down at the dining table
and it's Sunday.

The weekend blurred
like trees on the highway.

I haven’t moved.
I can’t move.

XXIV. apple bee, n.

An ad on Instagram.
An open mic

at the indie bookshop
downtown.

A stinger
in my chest.

XXV. duskus, n.

The sky
becomes dark

as the inside
of the bookshop

as the owner
steps up to the mic.

XXVI. raconteur, n.

Someone with my face
walks onto the stage

when my name is called.
They explain their history with

the song “Over the Rainbow”
while fiddling with their trumpet’s valves.

XXVII. racketiness, n.

Each note
out of their horn,

a memory
of a past life:

clubs, festivals, concert halls
all across the country.

XXVIII. aptronym, n.

They don't keep
to a set tempo.

Notes ebb and flow
over heads and bookshelves

like grey waves
over sea stars in tide pools.

XXIX. queemly, adv.

They smirk,
signal the audience

with a flip
of their left hand.

Their voices join
in the chorus.

XXX. merry-go-round, n.

When the last note ends,
sweat drips down my face.

Applause, cheers,
smiling faces, tears.

It feels
like home.

XXXI. delph, n.

Trumpet case
on the kitchen counter.

Bright office lights.
A din of keystrokes.

Listen to Donald Byrd
on my drive home.

guest at home

shoes by the door
walk on the balls of your feet
like a cartoon burglar

finish your morning coffee
wash the mug in the sink
before they wake up

leave everything where you find it
no trace
of your existence

fade into the background
so no one misses you
when you’re gone

sit at the dinner table
quiet as snowfall
in twilight

it’s your house
but it doesn’t feel
that way

not a soul on the lake

sunday afternoon
late spring
a cloudless sky
not a soul on the lake

dozens of houses
with windows for walls
uniform lawns
not a soul on the lake

seven foam swans in the water
three coyote statues on private docks
two wooden owls and a metal heron in a garden
not a soul on the lake

fifty kayaks asleep in yards
thirty motorboats under canopies
two seaplanes with eye masks on
not a soul on the lake

Protect the Farm

Each section is based on the Oxford English Dictionary’s word of the day from May, 2023.

I. palabra, n.

What’s the word Dad told me
for when the sky
looks like spilled paint?

Maybe the answer
is behind that column of smoke
billowing from the silo.

II. folder, v.

I launch myself,
above the wheat.
Stalks topple in my wake.

Serena is at the base of the silo,
a torrent of water erupting
from the jewel on top of her staff.

Right. A water spell. That’s what
the word dad said was for.
I wobble as I land, prepare the spell.

III. groundhog day, n.

“My God, Finch,”
Serena yells over her shoulder.
“Any time now would be nice.”

Awkward syllables
leave my throat, water
shoots from my palm.

The charred silo glistens
in the moonlight once
we've extinguished the final ember.

“Every day,” Serena sighs,
“you’re running behind,
forgetting spells.

“I love you, etc., but
you need to get your shit together.
It’s getting harder to rely on you.”

I fidget with my wand,
not meeting her eyes, because
I know she’s right.

IV. bub, n.

When I was young,
I dreamed
of protecting the farm.

I never had Serena’s patience for
growing crops,
reading books.

Could never sit still.
Had to move. Had to run.
I needed the wind in my hair.

I could perform spells,
but not study them.
I needed to see them done first.

Dad understood. He taught
by example. He helped me
become the best flyer around.

V. misocapnist, n.

I take out a cigarette
at the end of our watch
as the sun rises over the ridge.

I take a drag, lean against
the door of stable.
Horses stir, ready to run.

Serena shakes her head, 
steps away to sit on
the tailgate of an old pickup.

She coughs. “I wish you’d wait
until I left to do that.
You know it bothers me.

“I think we should eat something,
then go back to investigate the silo.
How does that sound?”

My eyes are heavy,
my fingers twitch.
I nod.

VI. half groat, n.

Breakfast is small:
coffee, black;
toast, black.

Serena tells me about
the latest book she read
as we walk back to the silo.

I play with a coin,
flipping it between my fingers,
to stay focused.

VII. bonhomous, adj.

“Oh,” Serena says,
“sorry, Finch.
This must be so boring for you.”

I pocket the coin.
“No, it’s okay. I like
hearing what you’re excited about.”

She lifts an eyebrow.
“You’re sure? It’s just
a poet’s memoir about her divorce.”

“I’d rather listen to your TED Talk
than try to read a book,
so yeah.”

“Oh shut the fuck up,”
she laughs, shoves my shoulder,
then returns to her book commentary.

VIII. bloco, n.

Serena is talking about
her girlfriend's drum practice
when we return to the silo.

Charred chunks sizzle
in the morning sun
with an intricate rhythm.

Serena rotates her wrist;
purple mist flows from her fingers
to the pieces of silo shell.

"This should help identify
the fire's epicenter
and whether a spell was used.”

IX. char kway teow, n.

Purple tendrils spread
from chunks on the ground,
reach toward the silo’s missing torso.

Chunks and swirls
indigo and navy 
highlight on the body.

“There’s magic there,” Serena says.
She looks at me, smiles. “Let me guess.
“You want to see me do it again?”

I look between her and the silo,
move my wrist.
“Please.”

X. kalian, n.

She said the words
for the spell slowly—
awkward, archaic syllables.

I say them back to her,
rotate my wrist the way she did,
and violet strings unravel

from the spaces between my fingers.
They reach toward the silo,
but fall short.

“Hell yeah, Finch!
That’s a good start!
Let’s get closer to the source up there.

“Since my spell gave us an epicenter,
yours, up close, should be able
to discern the type of spell.”

I nod, float up the side of the burnt silo.
“Discern? Really?”
I perform the spell again.

“Fuck you. Read a book.”
Serena’s laugh stops abruptly
as her spell’s effects turned grey.

A vision appeared—
a tube, water,
so much smoke.

XI. anti-huff, n.

“A hose? And water?”
I tilt my head.
“Like a fireman?”

“Jesus. It’s 2023.”
She facepalms.
“Firefighter.

“Also no.
It’s a device that controls the fire,
prevents it from spreading.”

“So, they targeted our silo
specifically. Not even the whole farm.
But, why?”

XII. feechie, adj.

Lightning crashes,
dark clouds roll in
as we approach the ground.

“Could be real,”
Serena points her chin at the clouds.
“Could be a cover.

“They attacked our grain,
our main food source.
They must want to get to Dad.”

XIII. sodom apple, n.

Fields look different on the way back—
the hue’s not right,
like an Instagram filter.

Dad’s voice is ablaze
once we arrive in the dining room;
his open palm full of ash.

XIV. waygate, n.

Dad paces the hallway
as mom reaches for an apple
from the basket on the table.

It turns to ash in her hand
as Serena and I tell them
about what we found at the silo.

Their worry is palpable;
it takes up all the oxygen
in the house.

Dad protests when I say 
I’m going to find
the person who did this.

Mom jolts to her feet,
her chair groans against the floor,
when Serena says she’s going too.

XV. washikong, n.

Mom lectures about
the dangers of traveling
as I tie my shoes.

I repeat our contingency plans to Dad
like a student cramming for an exam
as I pack my backpack.

Serena and I say goodbye,
fly across the farm
toward the city.

XVI. barber’s block, n.

At the edge of town
is a strip mall and
between a Great Clips

and a Wild Birds Unlimited,
there’s a cracked gutter,
and when you peel it back,

a doorway appears.
That’s where
the alchemist works.

XVII. buildering, n.

The alchemist’s shop
is at the roof of a building
hidden in the gutter alley.

For protection
(or just to be a dick),
there are no stairs,

no door from inside.
His magic affects gravity,
makes flying too difficult.

We have to climb the exterior—
fingertips on brick edges,
toes on windowsills.

XVIII. toyo, n.

The alchemist sits
behind his desk, a bowl
of fried rice in one hand,

a half-full bottle
of soy sauce
in the other.

He nods at us in the doorway,
wipes his mouth with his sleeve,
waves us forward.

XIX. geeksville, n.

We tell the alchemist about the silo.
He and Serena click instantly—
fucking nerds.

He has many clarifying questions;
Serena answers with many big words.
I run my fingertips over the labels

of potion bottles he has on display.
He snaps his fingers, flips through pages
of a floating, translucent spellbook.

XX. ohana, n.

The alchemist rubs his chin.
“Looks to be the work of a sorcerer
much too dangerous for you kids.”

I slam my hands on the counter.
“It’s our family. They have no food.
We have to fix it.

“Do you know who did it?
Or have something to stop the rot?
Or do we need to find someone else?”

XXI. cabinet particulier, n.

He pinches the bridge of his nose,
sighs. “Fine. It looks like
the handiwork of Rauldor.

“He’s a restaurateur
whose latest pop-up
seeks to redefine French cuisine.

“My guess is
your father refused his offer,
and this is retribution.

“I’ll arrange a reservation for you,
so you can get some intel.” A pause.
“Do you have… formal wear?”

XXII. adumbrant, adj.

Ties are so uncomfortable.
Whoever decided men
needed to be strangled

to show formality
has never had to work
with their hands.

Rauldor’s pop-up
is in the shadow of
the movie theatre’s spire.

The entrance moves down the street
throughout the evening,
disappears at dusk.

XXIII. zelotypia, n.

Rauldor has a vibe
which escapes words—
but it’s in his eyes.

There’s a constant sense
of calculation, comparison
in the twitch of his pupils.

He walks between tables,
eyes and rotates flower vases,
adjusts the knot of his tie.

XXIV. noctilucent, adj.

Serena casts spells
subtly under her menu
as we wait for bread—

bread, apparently,
from grain we grew
at home.

She says there’s so much
ambient magic in the air,
she won’t be noticed.

I twirl my fork,
watch the waitstaff walk
into and out of the kitchen.

Rauldor’s hair,
a storm cloud always visible
across the dim dining area.

XXV. broad acres, n.

This fucking guy.
As Rauldor makes his rounds,
he talks to each table about

his fresh ingredients,
his gourmet cooking,
his influences from his travels.

Insufferable.
Serena uses a spell to
tip over a platter as a diversion.

I turn to shadow,
roll along the baseboard
toward his office.

XXVI. milver, n.

I move around the kitchen—
smoke from the grill,
boiling water for pasta,

so many tubes
bringing water in,
sucking up smoke.

Serena said Rauldor
would probably have something—
a ring, gem, or scroll—

to undo the curse
once our father caved
to his demands.

Once through the gap between
the floor and the office door,
I see a banner above his computer which reads:

“‘Your focus
determines your reality.’
— Qui-Gon Jinn.”

Dad has the same quote,
the same banner,
in his office at home.

XXVII. paanwallah, n.

I reach toward the banner
slow as the summer sun,
lift the pushpin in the corner.

Focused, measured,
cannot make a sound.
There’s a picture behind the banner.

Rauldor, youthful,
a Culinary Institute hoodie,
and my dad in his UC Davis shirt.

Its corner bent,
taped down
hurriedly.

I peel the tape gently, carefully,
find a hole in the drywall with
a raindrop-shaped gem on the end of a chain.

It’s cold in the palm of my hand
as I scoop it up, but then
a ripple of heat emanates from the hole.

An alarm. Duh. I quickly
tape the picture down, replace the banner,
slip back into the shadow.

XXVIII. wayfere, n.

Rauldor’s French (I assume)
booms through the kitchen
as I slink to the bathroom.

I emerge in an empty stall,
wash my hands,
head back to our table.

I ask about the commotion,
pat my breast pocket,
say I’m too full for dessert.

Serena says a waiter tripped,
the check’s taken care of,
we’re good to go.

I feel like an alien
performing a human impression
as we walk out of the restaurant.

A man, outside, says
we’re dressed awfully fancy to see
the Super Mario movie.

We laugh hard,
whether to his joke or out of relief,
I don’t know.

Around the corner, we try to fly home.
While Serena is successful,
I remain planted to the ground.

The gem, she says, must have
some strange gravitational pull,
so we begin walking home instead.

Serena asked what really happened,
once at a safe distance, then lists
the shenanigans she pulled to buy me time.

The city’s not so bad—
streetlights, the moon
light our way home.

XIX. ombrology, n.

The gem throbs against my chest
as we approach the edge of our farm,
the silo’s skeleton in the light of dawn.

Something tells me—
a wordless radiation—
I have to crush the gem.

Serena stops when I walk toward the silo.
She yells when I take out the gem.
She takes off when my fist consumes it

and I pour
its dust
into the ashes.

The sky becomes white,
the air becomes cool,
and Serena tackles me.

She yells and cries,
bangs her fist on my chest.
Hopelessness consumes her eyes.

Then rain begins to fall.
Rain falls
and the fields turn green.

XXX. gordon bennett, int.

Serena laughs,
struggles to breathe,
falls back into the grass arms wide.

The rain’s cool on my face.
From the ground, I see beams
reposition themselves into a silo.

When we get up, we realize our clothes—
the alchemist’s formal wear—
are covered in mud.

The walk back to the house is slow.
The rain feels right, new.
Our house even looks brighter.

Mom and Dad are
double-fisting apples while
two steaks cook on the grill.

They stop when they see us, cheer,
lift and spin us around in celebration,
then eat their steaks off the grill with their hands.

They hadn’t eaten all day, Mom says. 
Afraid to destroy what they had left.
The rain told them something was fixed.

XXXI. blood and thunder, n.

Around the third knife fight,
Dad starts to doubt
my story.

Worse, Serena
doesn’t even back my up.
She tells them the truth,

even though our parents’s
unfounded fear of the city
is hilarious.

When explaining how I got the gem,
I hesitate mentioning the picture;
it feels too private, something I shouldn’t know.

But, Serena operates on
a whole-truth principle,
so I bring it up.

Dad’s quiet, makes a face
that looks like he has to chew
his thoughts into words.

“We were friends in college, yes,” he says,
‘but Rauldor’s changed a lot since then.
You’ve done enough, Finch.

“You’ve served your family well.
Thank you.
Let me take care of the rest."

from your apartment patio

above you
blue sky
a lone cirrus cloud
behind fir trees
a line
of water vapor
in the wake of a plane
a nail
from a previous tenant
near the top of a post

around you
seven pots of dirt
a hole from a stellar’s jay
now on the lip of a pot
hungry for seeds

below you
a crow
in the open maw
of a garbage can
over-stuffed
another crow
jagged scraps of plastic
on the ground
by ripped mcdonalds bags
another crow
a cold french fry in its beak

Up here, it’s a haunted house

“‘… up here’ –she gestured to her head– ‘it’s a haunted house.’” – Gabrielle Zevin, Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow.


We flew across the country to bury your ashes by your eldest daughter's plot. There was a barbecue in your niece's backyard that week, where your extended family — our extended family, I guess — gathered to see each other and share their memories of you. It was a sunny day, mid-July; I was exhausted. I took a nap on a loveseat in the empty living room. Like you had done during family gatherings when you were alive.

Water is boiling in an electric kettle on top of a file cabinet behind my desk. I pour it into a mug covered with titles of commonly banned books. I dig a teabag out of the drawer of the cabinet I emptied of files and filled with tea, coffee grounds, and snacks. I dunk the teabag in the water, watch the brown cloud stretch, grow. Steam sways like a wind chime's mallet in an autumnal flurry. Every few minutes, you remind me to take a sip, so I don't have to microwave it like you needed to near the end.

When I was in elementary school, I walked to your house when the school day ended. It was a cold, dark winter. I watched cartoons while working on math homework — simple multiplication, I think. You made me hot cocoa by microwaving a mug of milk, squirting in chocolate syrup, and twirling whipped cream on top. Did you add a cherry? Did you keep a jar of maraschino cherries in your fridge? I don't remember.

One of my students asks me to see their choir concert. I put it in my calendar to make sure I can attend. I arrive early, park in the same spot I left two hours earlier. I sit in the room where students ate lunch six hours earlier. They have a solo during the final song. My heart is full, my eyes teary. This must be a fraction of what you felt during my concerts. You tell me to help put chairs away when the concert ends. I tell them how proud I am of them and their performance. They introduce me to their family. You tell me how proud you are of me as I drive home.

It was spring. My mother, your younger daughter, buried some of your ashes along the edge of her yard which overlooks a small creek (which exists when it rains for a day or two). You are split between two sides of a continent; flowers bloom around your name every year. 

a test proctor

silence

thirty students and laptops
along the room's perimeter

a pile of backpacks
between the door and a bookcase

fingers on keyboards
like rain on a sidewalk

warm, stagnant air
of early afternoon

five heads on desks
between hoods and forearms

cold coffee in a thrift-store mug
by the keyboard on your desk

a pencil eraser on a desk
120 beats per minute

a whisper
a nod

silence